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How to overcome Self Hate

"You're Fat."

"No one could ever like you."

"Your legs are too thick, your hips are too wide, your nose is too long."

"You're a slob."

"You'll never be graceful, you'll never be beautiful."

"No one likes you."

"You're a terrible wife."

"You let yourself go."

"You don't invest in your marriage."

"You lost your free spirit."

"You're a drain."

"He only loves to because he has to."

"You're an awful parent."

"You're too busy."

"You lose patience."

"You never play with him."

"You feed him junk food."

"You're going to mess him up for life."

"He's going to grow up to hate you."

"You should've never been a mother."

"You're worthless."

"You're pathetic."

"Give up."

"You'll never be good enough."

"You're not worth anything."

"No one could like you."


Guilt. Self Hate. Self-loathing

Do you battle with these things? I sure do!

Recently, I heard a pastor say something that meant a lot to me and has really helped me in my Christian journey.

There are three sources to our thoughts, and we need to be able to identify these.

  1. Our own selves. We think about things, meditate, and process life. We talk to ourselves in our mind.

  2. God. Have you ever been going through a day and something just comes to you out of the blue and you just think, "That is a God thought."? We, as Christians, become in tune with that and understand when something comes from God. We call that a God thought.

  3. The devil. Satan's thoughts are much harder to recognize. If he were to clearly let us know that it was him talking we wouldn't listen, but he is the master deceiver, and the Bible tells us that he disguises himself as an angel of light.

When I heard this concept, that there are three distinct voices in your mind, it really helped me gain some victories in my thought life.

We need to grab hold of God's truth and fight Satan's lies. This starts in our mind.

Satan wants to bind us, put chains on us, and weigh us down in any way he can. It might be in small ways or it might be in larger ways. He wants to rob us of that peace and plague us with the things of life.

"He was a murderer from the beginning, not holding to the truth, for there is no truth in him. When he lies, he speaks his native language, for he is a liar and the father of lies." John 8:44

"Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.  Resist him, standing firm in the faith..." 1 Peter 5:8-9


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So how can we recognize these lies? It's not easy. If it were easy, then it wouldn't be a battle!

The biggest thing that has helped me is understanding the concept that there are three sources for the voices in my mind. When I was able to recognize this, I realized that I AM NOT THE ENEMY.

So often when we really struggle with self-hate, self-condemnation, and self-loathing, we are turning on ourselves. WE are the problem. Everything is about US.

So now the focus has turned on me and I begin to fight with myself as if I am the enemy... and I'm not the enemy! SATAN is the enemy! I need to recognize God's power and claim that power. (Ephesians 1:19-20)

There is a war going on between good and evil.

God wants our heart and so does Satan.

That means that we are the battleground of this war!

We need to understand this to the fullest!

Our battle is not against ourselves, but against Satan.

We need to begin seeing him as the enemy and not ourselves.

By turning our focus on Satan, we then realize that we are not the problem. It's Satan's influence on our lives that is the problem and this is what we fight against.

Yes, we are fighting against flesh, against all the things that the flesh wants. In that sense, we are fighting against ourselves but the REAL battle is against Satan and his darkness. Not against me as a person. Speaking of this subject of self-hate, and self-loathing. I am not advocating a self-love in its place.

  • We live in a world where everything is about me, myself, and I. Everyone else is second place.

  • Culture tells us that we're supposed to love ourselves and accept ourselves just the way we are. And everyone else should do likewise.

  • This is not a Biblical. We are to put others first and love other people as much as we love ourselves. that is the second greatest commandment.

Yes, God loves us just the way we are but he loves us too much to leave us that way!

We are called to be continually growing and pushing ourselves, and becoming more like Christ. Not sitting still and trying to accept who we are with all our faults.

"Hey this is just who I am!"

We are to push ourselves to grow and become better and more like Christ.

But having said all that, there is a healthy balance. We do need to accept ourselves. I had never found a healthy balance in this. I was very self-condemning, self-loathing and I could never do anything well enough.

I hated who I was.

That is not God's will for my life! I'm not claiming hold of the power that God has given me. I'm not fully realizing who I am in Jesus... because when we accept Christ and follow him, He calls us children of God!

Your price and my price is far above diamonds! If we're children of God, why are we letting all this negativity and all this self-hate into our lives? We are daughters of the king! That makes you a Princess. That makes me a Princess. (:

So how can we know the difference between God's truth and Satan's lies?

  • God convicts us when we have sinned or fallen short. This is how we grow and continue to become more like Christ.

  • Satan loves to make us think that his lies are God's convictions. That's why it is hard to decipher between God's conviction and Satan's harassment.

One thing that has helped me is when God convicts, He never convicts in a way that's belittling to you as a person. He won't attack your person. God convicts you of the sin in your life, and He calls you to turn from that sin and turn to him.

My son, do not despise the Lord’s discipline, and do not resent his rebuke, because the Lord disciplines those he loves, as a father the son he delights in. Psalm 3:11-12

God's love for us if often compared to the love of a Father for his child. Those of us that have children know the enormous amount of love that comes with having children. We would do anything to protect them and take care of their needs and desires.

Which of you, if his son asks for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a snake? So if you who are evil know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good things to those who ask Him! Matthew 7:9-11

The love that God has for us far surpasses anything we as humans can experience for our own children! How incredible is that?! God convicts and disciplines us out of love.

When we discipline our children, do we speak to them in a condemning, belittling way? We shouldn't! Instead, we tell the child what is wrong with the action rather than what's wrong with the child. God speaks to us in the same way.

There's a shame that comes from knowing that you've sinned against a holy God. And then there's the kind of guilt that Satan puts on you... it's a nagging, belittling guilt that will grate on you like sand that is stuck in your shoe.

So once again, we may think that these self condemning thoughts aren't destructive, but we are letting Satan get a foothold in the door. These thought patterns are going to spiral downwards, into depression, anxiety, self-hate, and self-loathing, to the point that you have no joy and you have no peace.

We need to recognize that these thoughts are from the devil and cling to God's promises.

These negative thoughts... we need to boot them out!

We also need to remember to be open to the voice of God because things in life aren't perfect. None of us are perfect. We all need to grow. We all have flaws.

Remember that God is good!
God is not going to throw everything that his wrong in your life at you all at one time. He knows we can't handle that so he shows us one thing at a time. We work at that and then later he will show us again another issue that needs worked on.
Satan tries to pile it all on us at one time. "You're not good enough. You're not strong enough. You're never gonna get through this. No one could love you. God could never forgive you. Quit trying."

* Satan torments.

* God convicts.

John 3:17, "For God did not send His Son into the world to condemn the world but to save the world through Him.

John 14:27 Peace I leave with you, my peace I give to you, I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled, and do not be afraid.

Romans 8:1 Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.

Philippians 4:7 And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Psalm 34:4 I sought the Lord, and he answered me and He delivered me from all my fears.

2 Timothy 1:7 For God has not given us the spirit of fear, but of power and love and of a sound mind.

When we are living in Christ Jesus, and claiming his power he gives us freedom! He gives us peace, and He gives us a sound mind!

When we're plagued with guilt and this constant negativity about ourselves, is that a sound mind? Are we living victoriously?

So remember, YOU ARE NOT THE ENEMY! Satan is the enemy! Turn your energy against him and not against yourself! Claim hold of God's promises and remember that you've been bought with a price! Your value is far above diamonds. When we accept Jesus into our hearts, we are called sons and daughters of God. A holy God, a perfect God, chooses us! He chooses to call us sons and daughters of His!

Let's cling to the truth and fight the lies!


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